The youngest was the most loved?
In the words of one of my favourite (if a little miserable) artists I found myself asking myself this question last night whilst giving Zara her evening bottle and enjoying some mummy cuddles. With her being at nursery four days a week now and it often being the case that I’ve left the house in the morning before she is awake, I usually only get two hours to spend with her on those days so we like to make the most of them. 
However, back to the point of this post. I found myself as I often do, thinking just how much I love my little girl, I don’t think my heart is big enough to contain it all sometimes and you know that feeling when you think your heart could burst as it’s so full? I almost felt sorry for the second baby I’m expecting as surely it is impossible to love something else with the same intensity? Will Zara always be that little bit “more special” than the next baby?
This got me thinking back to the common perception that the youngest child in the family is usually the one that seems to be “the favourite” and then I started feeling sad for Zara that maybe she is going to fade into the background a bit when the second baby arrives I really hope this isn’t going to be the case as I cherish every (well most) moment I get with Zara and I love seeing how much she is turning from a baby into a little person. Her personality develops more each day and even though I can see we’re going to have some battles over the years to come (oh yes I can see the stroppy diva appearing in her already), I still love what she is turning into. She’s already a very independent little girl who likes to solve problems herself and complains if you try to help (she is so like me, it’s scary!).
When the new baby arrives, Zara will still carry on going to nursery which some people find a little odd but we decided that this needs to happen as a) Zara loves it and it is great for her development and b) I will struggle to cope with a newborn baby, a 15 month old toddler and building up my business. I hope still being at nursery doesn’t impact Zara in a negative way, I dread to think that she is one day going to start thinking that she is being shipped off to nursery so mummy can play with the new baby. Hopefully at 15 months old she is still to young to start thinking things like that though.
I also find myself wondering whether I will find the second baby a little “boring” this time round. Maybe it’s odd for a 30 week pregnant woman to be thinking that but from what I remember the first time round, the first few months were all about feeding, nappy changes, crying, colic and sleeping. There was very little interaction with baby and it isn’t until around 6 months old that things start to become really “fun”. As much as I loved these first few months with Zara, I do wonder whether I’ll feel the same this time round or whether I’ll find myself longing for the fun parts. At least I’ll have Zara to keep me entertained I suppose.
So after all that rambling (I apologise), I guess I can sum up my thoughts as follows:
a) Will Zara always be a little bit more special to me as she was my first?
b) Will the new baby as the youngest be more special somehow?
c) Is it possible to fit so much love into your heart?
d) Is Zara still young enough not to feel jealous or left out when the new baby arrives?
I’d love to know your thoughts on this, especially those parents who have two close together so please comment and let me know how it was for you! 
-
this is such an interesting post – I was thinking about it the other day when a friend had the same concern as you. She loves her son so much she was scared that she wouldnt love #2 nearly as much.
I let her know that I am the youngest of four and NEVER felt like I wasn’t loved as much as the rest. I actually felt more loved in a way, but then my siblings and I have spoken about this and in our own different ways we were made to feel special and loved by our parents.
I have no doubt you’ll love them equally – just make sure to give Zara some extra special cuddles and reassurance in the early days. -
a) possibly but I don’t think of my first that way.
b) nope, I don’t think so. My two are different and they are both special to me. I genuinely don’t have a favourite. They both have good and bad sides.
c) YES. Natural to worry about it but trust me, you will. Don’t worry about it, just go with the flow.
d) YES. Monkey was not quite 16 months old when Missy Woo was born. He just wanted to be like her. He climbed into her bouncy chair because he wanted to be like her, doing her things. He very quickly forgot that there was anything other than us 4 at home. From what I know, the critical age can be around the 18 month or older mark when they start to develop a sense of self.
It will be fine, trust me. You will probably appreciate the quiet times with the baby and I don’t think that Zara will feel “shipped out” at all, esp if she loves nursery. Not for now anyway.
It will be fine, and you’ll have enough love to go round. And you’ll cope. It’s natural to worry about them, but don’t let it spoil your pregnancy. Everyone worries but most fears turn out to be unfounded.
PS Monkey’s first word was “sister”…..
-
- Comment Feed for this Post
Zara is...
Hiya, good post!
My little boy was not quite 3 when our daughter was born and I had all the same questions. From my experience (but remember everyone is different!):
A&B) You answer yourself there! They’re both special but in different ways and there will be times when one is more special than the other but it will always swing the other way again. Certainly at first, in that newborn mode, you know Zara so much better while you’re getting to know number 2, but number 2 is so vulnerable and fragile…
C) it is more possible than you can imagine to fit all the love in your heart, although it does sometimes feel like it’s bursting out of you! You can & do love both children equally. Seems hard to believe and you won’t believe it until it happens.
D)she is really young, younger than mine was. I imagine the biggest challenge will be her not realising that you needing to carry the baby more doesn’t mean you want to cuddle Zara less, if you see what I mean. But I think she is prob too young for jealousy. In a couple of months she’ll struggle to remember life before baby 2. As will you!
Hope it helps, and good luck!
From another Mother Brown