A conversation on twitter last night got me thinking. As most of you are aware I’m now a mum of 2!! Oscar aged 7 weeks and Zara aged 16 months and to say I’ve been finding it difficult is an understatement.

I’ve always admired those natural mothers, you know the ones you see that can handle 5 children simultaneously without messing up their hair, can change a nappy one handed whilst drinking coffee and organising charity events. The mums who never seem to ask for help, they instinctively know exactly what to do with their children and have probably never had to look on the internet or read a book to find out what they need to do. It seems these mums are everywhere and I can’t help but feel inadequate when I compare myself to them. It’s probably one of the reasons I stopped going to baby and toddler groups as everyone else seemed to be finding motherhood a piece of cake and there was me with a screaming Zara who did nothing but scream unless I took her home for a nap.

It’s not all doom and gloom though, you see I am a mum and motherhood may not have come naturally to me, but like everything in my life I try my hardest and I work bloody hard to make sure I do something well. I’ve spent the last 16 months studying books, the internet, asking questions and quite often tearing my hair out but you know what? I’ve survived and I think I’ve done a pretty good job.

It’s only when I look at Zara now and I realise I’ve actually done a bloody good job of raising her. She is intelligent, curious, independent, social, eats brilliantly, sleeps well and is a joy to be with. Nursery are always telling us how great she is to look after and how she is such a clever little girl for her age and this makes me swell with pride. I look at her and can’t help smiling when I think “I did that!”

The result of all my hard work!

And now the fun really begins because just as I’m getting used to being a mum, along comes baby number two :) Although looking after Oscar seems to be much easier this time, looking after 2 is probably the biggest challenge I’ve ever faced. I really don’t know how I’ll manage it, the thought of being left alone with both of them (we are lucky to be in a position where Zara continues to go to nursery during the week for now) terrifies me. I mean how on earth do you manage to deal with a newborn screaming for a feed and a toddler screaming for cuddles because her teeth hurt when you can only have one pair of hands. It’s a logistical nightmare and all careful planning seems to have gone out of the window. They just don’t write books about how to cope in this situation so I’m making it up as I go along :) I know the next few months are going to be hard and unlike some mum’s it won’t come naturally to me but you know what, I’ll work bloody hard at it and do my best and maybe that makes it all more rewarding :)

Not enough hands!