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In the words of one of my favourite (if a little miserable) artists I found myself asking myself this question last night whilst giving Zara her evening bottle and enjoying some mummy cuddles. With her being at nursery four days a week now and it often being the case that I’ve left the house in the morning before she is awake, I usually only get two hours to spend with her on those days so we like to make the most of them.

However, back to the point of this post. I found myself as I often do, thinking just how much I love my little girl, I don’t think my heart is big enough to contain it all sometimes and you know that feeling when you think your heart could burst as it’s so full? I almost felt sorry for the second baby I’m expecting as surely it is impossible to love something else with the same intensity? Will Zara always be that little bit “more special” than the next baby?

This got me thinking back to the common perception that the youngest child in the family is usually the one that seems to be “the favourite” and then I started feeling sad for Zara that maybe she is going to fade into the background a bit when the second baby arrives I really hope this isn’t going to be the case as I cherish every (well most) moment I get with Zara and I love seeing how much she is turning from a baby into a little person. Her personality develops more each day and even though I can see we’re going to have some battles over the years to come (oh yes I can see the stroppy diva appearing in her already), I still love what she is turning into. She’s already a very independent little girl who likes to solve problems herself and complains if you try to help (she is so like me, it’s scary!).

When the new baby arrives, Zara will still carry on going to nursery which some people find a little odd but we decided that this needs to happen as a) Zara loves it and it is great for her development and b) I will struggle to cope with a newborn baby, a 15 month old toddler and building up my business. I hope still being at nursery doesn’t impact Zara in a negative way, I dread to think that she is one day going to start thinking that she is being shipped off to nursery so mummy can play with the new baby. Hopefully at 15 months old she is still to young to start thinking things like that though.

I also find myself wondering whether I will find the second baby a little “boring” this time round. Maybe it’s odd for a 30 week pregnant woman to be thinking that but from what I remember the first time round, the first few months were all about feeding, nappy changes, crying, colic and sleeping. There was very little interaction with baby and it isn’t until around 6 months old that things start to become really “fun”. As much as I loved these first few months with Zara, I do wonder whether I’ll feel the same this time round or whether I’ll find myself longing for the fun parts. At least I’ll have Zara to keep me entertained I suppose.

So after all that rambling (I apologise), I guess I can sum up my thoughts as follows:
a) Will Zara always be a little bit more special to me as she was my first?
b) Will the new baby as the youngest be more special somehow?
c) Is it possible to fit so much love into your heart?
d) Is Zara still young enough not to feel jealous or left out when the new baby arrives?

I’d love to know your thoughts on this, especially those parents who have two close together so please comment and let me know how it was for you!